By: CL Hendricks
When kids fight they are usually displaying learned behavior, since they learn to behave by watching those around them. Parents who argue are more likely to have children who argue. Younger children also learn from older siblings. If older siblings are allowed to fight then younger children will fight also.
When toddlers start to become aware, they begin to assert themselves. Sometimes this behavior can lead to actions that are not socially acceptable. They will grab for toys, take toys that are not theirs and occasionally hit others in an effort to get what they want. This conduct should not be encouraged and if possible stopped at an early age.
Children at different times in their lives will have to learn how to deal with problems and difficulties. By teaching your child early that aggressive behavior is not acceptable you will be providing a good foundation for your child.
Young children (2-3) are usually not emotionally ready for a discussion on why it is wrong to hit others. Children of this age should be told that hitting is unacceptable and if needed placed in a “time out” situation. By using a Time Out you will be teaching the child that hitting others has consequences.
By the time a child reaches elementary school they are old enough to understand what violence is and why it is unacceptable. Regardless of their understanding, children will occasionally get into fights. It is important to allow your child to explain the situation prior to being punished. By allowing your child to tell you their version of how the fight began it will help you to explain the situation and perhaps how a fight may have been avoided.
Talking to your child early about how to avoid a fight, what to do if a fight breaks out and who they can turn to if you are not around will help your child take the right action. In some locations intervention programs are available. Call your child’s school and talk with your child’s teacher or guidance counselor.
Unfortunately not all parents hold the same views as others when it comes to aggressive behavior. For some families fighting is a normal part of personal interaction and is actually admired. Children learn what they live and what they are exposed to. Those kids who have parents or older siblings who fight will naturally learn fight.
When kids fight one must consider what they have learned at home. If you are the parent you may be seeing the effect your behavior has on your child. Remember as parents, we are our child’s first teacher.
The poem “Children Learn What They Live” from the book Children Learn What They Live ©1998 by Dorothy Law Nolte and Rachel Harris makes some eloquent and thought-provoking points:
“If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight…”
On the other hand,
…If children live with tolerance, they learn patience…” and
“…If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live…”
What is your child living with?
Educational Toys For Kids
By: Rachel Nunez
A parent's greatest contribution to a child's educational growth should come before the child ever begins his formal education. Parents can leave it to the schools to teach their child to read or count or write his name. But a child's best educational opportunities and future growth depend on the combined effort of parent, teacher, and student.
There is a world of difference in the child whose parents are actively involved in his learning, and the child who is totally left on his own. It's a difference not only in ability, in quality of work, but also in attitude and self-image. A child's first school is the home, so the toys that his parents select for him should not only keep him amused and occupied, but also develop his physical, mental and emotional well-being. The market for educational toys has thus been opened.
Mainly addressing the clamor for toys accepted by child psychologists, toy manufacturers have come up with a wide array of toys that promise hours of fun and excitement to the child, and at the same time, meet the requirements set by these experts.
If it is true that no one ever steps into the same river twice, it is also true that no child ever plays with the same toy twice. As the child enters each stage of growth, his play changes; and as his play changes, the toy is also transformed. Psychologists have studied the evolution and development of a child's intellect, as pioneered by Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, by closely observing children. They have come out with a trove of realities on how toys, educational or otherwise, affect the child's multiple intelligences.
An interesting sidebar to these findings is the fact that toys and toy advertising have powerful effects on the ways children construct their gender identities. Girls between the ages of five to eight who are exposed to Barbie dolls feel worse about their bodies than girls exposed to dolls with more realistic physiques. Female-stereotyped toys tend to promote the most complex play in 18 to 47 month-olds. But as children grow older, their gendered stereotypes about toys grow stronger. Boys, especially, become increasingly likely to avoid playing with "girl toys," possibly for fear of social repercussions from their peers. Thus, those fashion dolls that were created towards the teens and pre-teens segment to supposedly stimulate creativity and encourage imagination, may not really be the best educational toys because they encourage gender marginalization and desensitization. Both strongly feminine and strongly masculine toys seem to be associated with the worst aspects of gender roles: i.e., a focus on appearance in girls and violence in boys.
Toy companies, like all other businesses, aim towards making money. But unlike many other businesses, the target market of the toy industry is children who are not amply fortified with the capacity to dispute these companies' claims or question the significance of their offers. The fact that the toy manufacturers sell directly to a key market that depends on middlemen - their parents - to purchase the products, is in itself a remarkable curiosity.
The result is an abstruse circumstance wherein toy companies contend that they are protecting the children's purchasing rights through straightforward advertising, whereas critics argue that these companies are exploiting a defenseless population.
Raising Happy Children - 10 Tips
By: Lance Carr
1. Decide what you want the child to be.
This doesn’t mean ‘an accountant’, ‘a lawyer’, ‘the CEO of a corporation’ because those decisions are up to the child when he or she becomes ready to choose a career. This means set some general and worthwhile goal that will benefit the child as an individual, such as ‘someone with integrity who can think for himself’ or ‘someone moral, confident and self-assured’. If you can help your child achieve those you will have given the best you can give. One day you won't be around and the child will be an adult facing life without your supervision – if you want your son or daughter to survive well you have to start in on this early.
2. A child is not a pet or a possession.
A child is an individual with the same rights you expect for yourself. Don’t set out to mould the child into your own or someone else’s likeness. You don’t own your child and it’s not your job to train the child like a Labrador. Let the child gain a sense of himself and his capabilities and develop respect for himself and others.
3. Don’t monster the child’s self-determinism.
Life is a process of discovery. People learn many important things about life by trial and error. Don’t be obsessed with preventing your child from making mistakes. They’re only mistakes – they can be fixed. But constant control or second-guessing by a parent can make the child lose confidence in his own ability to select, act or respond effectively in life.
4. Love your child.
Pay no attention at all to the nonsense preached by psychologists. Children thrive on affection and fail when denied it. You cannot spoil your child with love – it’s one of the perks of living!
5. Provide an environment where the child can be himself.
A home where a four year old can’t touch this vase, walk on that carpet, open this drawer, drop that wine goblet, sit on that lounge is a hostile environment for the child. If you have lovely antiques, expensive ornaments, and designer furniture you’d better decide which is more important – those possessions or your child’s sanity. No kidding. Put those things away for the next ten years and make a home environment the child can enjoy as much as you. It’s his home too, you know.
6. Let the child help.
Count up how many times in an average week your child tries to help you with something. This is a highly commendable trait – to want to help. It’s an impulse that should be encouraged not killed off. Sure, often the help is clumsy and messy but messes can be cleaned up, however a child who grows up believing himself incapable of even helping his parents is not going to prosper in the larger group of society.
7. Children like schedules.
If you want to provide a framework for the child to grow within, give him schedules. Dinner at 6:30, TV off at 9pm, Movie night every Tuesday, play time at 7:30, etc. Schedules make for prediction, and in the frequent confusions of growing up it is very helpful to have at least some things that don’t shift and change.
8. Use Rewards and Penalties.
One day the child will be an adult who has to make his way economically in society. Good grounding in this vital aspect of life is to provide rewards when the child accomplishes something – an outing, a movie, a pizza night, a toy, or even an allowance – all these things are more valued and enjoyed when they are earned. Getting something for nothing is what stealing is all about, don’t set that example. The other side of this is having agreed upon penalties, but these are not to be confused with punishments. Hitting a child or causing physical pain to someone smaller and weaker than you is a criminal act. Maybe there’s no law against it but think it through for yourself. (See #2 and #4 above). Failure is its own penalty, but cancellation of TV rights for a night will also impinge. Being sent to one’s room is a sobering experience – and it doesn’t harm.
9. Children have small and growing bodies that need nourishment.
This seems obvious, but just look this over again. A child’s body is changing almost daily. There are many, many demands placed on it by an energetic child (and children are supposed to be energetic). Diet is VERY important. Good protein, good vegetable intake, good carbohydrates in proportion are essential. But watch the sugar! Sugar in a small body acts like a drug and causes most of the ‘crazy’ behavior you see in a child. If you want some reality on this watch what happens at the next birthday party. If adults behaved like that you’d say they were psychotic or at least drunk. You can straighten up a lot of wild behavior by fixing the child’s diet. Sweets are not good rewards because they do harm to the receiver. After about 12 years of age a child’s body seems to be able to handle sugar without the attendant screaming ‘highs’ and tearful ‘lows’. You can educate your child in the effects of sugar and engage his willingness to ration it out. Don’t just deny him the option because that will simply make him want it more.
10. Be a friend to your child.
Sometimes an adult’s goal is to get respect from a child. Respect is earned, not enforced. What’s a child’s biggest problem? Take a good look in the mirror. You’re his main role model, his life support system, and you should also be his best friend. Real friends don’t hit each other, they don’t drug each other (not even with pharmaceuticals), they don’t lie to each other, they don’t bully each other and they don’t obsessively seek to control each other. Childhood can be an adventure and also a very trying time – share the trying times and enjoy the adventures together.
1. Decide what you want the child to be.
This doesn’t mean ‘an accountant’, ‘a lawyer’, ‘the CEO of a corporation’ because those decisions are up to the child when he or she becomes ready to choose a career. This means set some general and worthwhile goal that will benefit the child as an individual, such as ‘someone with integrity who can think for himself’ or ‘someone moral, confident and self-assured’. If you can help your child achieve those you will have given the best you can give. One day you won't be around and the child will be an adult facing life without your supervision – if you want your son or daughter to survive well you have to start in on this early.
2. A child is not a pet or a possession.
A child is an individual with the same rights you expect for yourself. Don’t set out to mould the child into your own or someone else’s likeness. You don’t own your child and it’s not your job to train the child like a Labrador. Let the child gain a sense of himself and his capabilities and develop respect for himself and others.
3. Don’t monster the child’s self-determinism.
Life is a process of discovery. People learn many important things about life by trial and error. Don’t be obsessed with preventing your child from making mistakes. They’re only mistakes – they can be fixed. But constant control or second-guessing by a parent can make the child lose confidence in his own ability to select, act or respond effectively in life.
4. Love your child.
Pay no attention at all to the nonsense preached by psychologists. Children thrive on affection and fail when denied it. You cannot spoil your child with love – it’s one of the perks of living!
5. Provide an environment where the child can be himself.
A home where a four year old can’t touch this vase, walk on that carpet, open this drawer, drop that wine goblet, sit on that lounge is a hostile environment for the child. If you have lovely antiques, expensive ornaments, and designer furniture you’d better decide which is more important – those possessions or your child’s sanity. No kidding. Put those things away for the next ten years and make a home environment the child can enjoy as much as you. It’s his home too, you know.
6. Let the child help.
Count up how many times in an average week your child tries to help you with something. This is a highly commendable trait – to want to help. It’s an impulse that should be encouraged not killed off. Sure, often the help is clumsy and messy but messes can be cleaned up, however a child who grows up believing himself incapable of even helping his parents is not going to prosper in the larger group of society.
7. Children like schedules.
If you want to provide a framework for the child to grow within, give him schedules. Dinner at 6:30, TV off at 9pm, Movie night every Tuesday, play time at 7:30, etc. Schedules make for prediction, and in the frequent confusions of growing up it is very helpful to have at least some things that don’t shift and change.
8. Use Rewards and Penalties.
One day the child will be an adult who has to make his way economically in society. Good grounding in this vital aspect of life is to provide rewards when the child accomplishes something – an outing, a movie, a pizza night, a toy, or even an allowance – all these things are more valued and enjoyed when they are earned. Getting something for nothing is what stealing is all about, don’t set that example. The other side of this is having agreed upon penalties, but these are not to be confused with punishments. Hitting a child or causing physical pain to someone smaller and weaker than you is a criminal act. Maybe there’s no law against it but think it through for yourself. (See #2 and #4 above). Failure is its own penalty, but cancellation of TV rights for a night will also impinge. Being sent to one’s room is a sobering experience – and it doesn’t harm.
9. Children have small and growing bodies that need nourishment.
This seems obvious, but just look this over again. A child’s body is changing almost daily. There are many, many demands placed on it by an energetic child (and children are supposed to be energetic). Diet is VERY important. Good protein, good vegetable intake, good carbohydrates in proportion are essential. But watch the sugar! Sugar in a small body acts like a drug and causes most of the ‘crazy’ behavior you see in a child. If you want some reality on this watch what happens at the next birthday party. If adults behaved like that you’d say they were psychotic or at least drunk. You can straighten up a lot of wild behavior by fixing the child’s diet. Sweets are not good rewards because they do harm to the receiver. After about 12 years of age a child’s body seems to be able to handle sugar without the attendant screaming ‘highs’ and tearful ‘lows’. You can educate your child in the effects of sugar and engage his willingness to ration it out. Don’t just deny him the option because that will simply make him want it more.
10. Be a friend to your child.
Sometimes an adult’s goal is to get respect from a child. Respect is earned, not enforced. What’s a child’s biggest problem? Take a good look in the mirror. You’re his main role model, his life support system, and you should also be his best friend. Real friends don’t hit each other, they don’t drug each other (not even with pharmaceuticals), they don’t lie to each other, they don’t bully each other and they don’t obsessively seek to control each other. Childhood can be an adventure and also a very trying time – share the trying times and enjoy the adventures together.
About The Author...
Lance is not very good at writing about himself in the third person. He is an ex-patriot Australian living in Taiwan. His grasp of the Chinese language ranges from poor to laughable and in most circumstances his actual use of the Chinese language results in laughter.
Learning Tips for Students (article city)
by: Dev Sri
Long ago, there was a time, when parents told children to read slowly and loudly to understand everything they read.
A lot of things have changed. Today's children have bigger syllabi to learn. Now, learning experts and teachers ask students to read faster and grasp important points.
Here are a few tips for students who have a lot to learn, but very little time.
Make a Timetable
Your timetable should have separate time for eating, playing games, exercise, reading newspaper and study materials. You should not only make a timetable, but also should stick to it.
Give priority to leisure and games in the afternoon, but separate early morning time for studies. Make sure you read all the class notes before you go to bed.
While allotting time to different subjects, allot more time to difficult subjects. You need only less time for the subjects that are easier for you to learn.
Taking Notes
Taking notes is an important part of learning. You need to take lecture notes (classroom notes) and notes from your textbook.
- Go through the lessons on the day before your teacher would teach it in the class. This gives you an idea of what to expect.
- Write down important ideas as bullet points. One word or a phrase is enough to include an idea.
- Give prominence to important ideas by underlining them in your notes.
- Leave lot of space in each face of paper. This will help you add new points later.
- Organize your notes into separate files. Each subject should have a different file. Label the outer page of the file with name of the subject and your teacher. You should also neatly organize each file according to chapters and topics.
- Read the notes (important points) in the night, before going to bed. Read only once. This helps you memorize the lessons clearly.
- While taking notes from a book, label the name of the book and author. Also, note the page number next to your notes. It makes it easy for you to refer to the book three or six months later.
Reading Techniques
You need to read fast and grasp more things. Here are some pointers to fast reading.
- Note the name of the book and its author in the reading log.
- Take a quick look from cover to cover to identify the important chapters.
- Take a quick look over the chapter, identify the important points, and note them down.
- Read the lesson fast. To increase the speed of learning, pass your eyes through the top of the letters and not through the centre. For example, while reading, pass your eyes through the area where the dot above the letter i appears and not through the loop of the letter o.
- Don't take notes while reading.
- Don't go back to read a word or a sentence. If you don't get the idea of the subject, you can come back to the sentence after you finish reading the chapter. Never look up a dictionary while in the middle of reading a chapter. Refer dictionary only if you don't automatically understand the meaning of a word after finishing the paragraph and the chapter.
- Note down the points you remember. Now check if you have taken all the important points, with another fast reading.
How to increase memory
Try to understand completely what you read or hear.
Repeat what you hear or read in your mind.
Make notes of what you learn at school or read from books. A single word can help you remember a whole idea.
Give number to the points.
Don't try to bring to memory all the things you have learned. Learn the technique of bringing to memory one thing at a time.
How to increase concentration
Mental concentration is important to memory and better learning.
Stick to your reading timetable. You should separate a specific place and specific time of the day for reading.
Sit erect. It increases your concentration.
Don't allow disturbances like phone calls, music etc while reading.
Concentrate on the lessons you read. Don't think about the next book you have to read while you are reading a book. A better way is to make an order of the books and lessons to read and arrange them in order before you start reading.
Immediately after reading a paragraph, try to recall the idea from that paragraph. This helps you concentrate more on your reading.
Ideal conditions for reading/learning
A silent location that you don't use for sleeping, eating or leisure purposes is the most ideal condition for reading.
Install a fluorescent tube light in the reading room. This helps mild light to fall evenly all over the room. Don't sit in the darkness while reading. If you use table lamp, arrange it towards your left if you are a right-hander.
Arrange the papers, pencils, boards and books on the table before you start reading.
Never try to read while you are tired or ill.
Eat healthy food rich in carbohydrates, proteins and fibres. Replace fast food, pizza, burger, chocolates, ice creams, etc with fresh fruits, whole grain food items (like chapatti), milk, fruit juices, etc.
Exercise daily. Swimming, cycling and jogging are good for students. Practise yoga. It increases concentration and willpower.
Don't watch TV. Instead, play some games in the outdoors. While TV makes you dumb, the games make you smarter.
Read lot of books. Read classic stories, fables (like Aesop fables, Panchatantra stories, etc), etc. Don't spend too much time on comic cartoons.
Long ago, there was a time, when parents told children to read slowly and loudly to understand everything they read.
A lot of things have changed. Today's children have bigger syllabi to learn. Now, learning experts and teachers ask students to read faster and grasp important points.
Here are a few tips for students who have a lot to learn, but very little time.
Make a Timetable
Your timetable should have separate time for eating, playing games, exercise, reading newspaper and study materials. You should not only make a timetable, but also should stick to it.
Give priority to leisure and games in the afternoon, but separate early morning time for studies. Make sure you read all the class notes before you go to bed.
While allotting time to different subjects, allot more time to difficult subjects. You need only less time for the subjects that are easier for you to learn.
Taking Notes
Taking notes is an important part of learning. You need to take lecture notes (classroom notes) and notes from your textbook.
- Go through the lessons on the day before your teacher would teach it in the class. This gives you an idea of what to expect.
- Write down important ideas as bullet points. One word or a phrase is enough to include an idea.
- Give prominence to important ideas by underlining them in your notes.
- Leave lot of space in each face of paper. This will help you add new points later.
- Organize your notes into separate files. Each subject should have a different file. Label the outer page of the file with name of the subject and your teacher. You should also neatly organize each file according to chapters and topics.
- Read the notes (important points) in the night, before going to bed. Read only once. This helps you memorize the lessons clearly.
- While taking notes from a book, label the name of the book and author. Also, note the page number next to your notes. It makes it easy for you to refer to the book three or six months later.
Reading Techniques
You need to read fast and grasp more things. Here are some pointers to fast reading.
- Note the name of the book and its author in the reading log.
- Take a quick look from cover to cover to identify the important chapters.
- Take a quick look over the chapter, identify the important points, and note them down.
- Read the lesson fast. To increase the speed of learning, pass your eyes through the top of the letters and not through the centre. For example, while reading, pass your eyes through the area where the dot above the letter i appears and not through the loop of the letter o.
- Don't take notes while reading.
- Don't go back to read a word or a sentence. If you don't get the idea of the subject, you can come back to the sentence after you finish reading the chapter. Never look up a dictionary while in the middle of reading a chapter. Refer dictionary only if you don't automatically understand the meaning of a word after finishing the paragraph and the chapter.
- Note down the points you remember. Now check if you have taken all the important points, with another fast reading.
How to increase memory
Try to understand completely what you read or hear.
Repeat what you hear or read in your mind.
Make notes of what you learn at school or read from books. A single word can help you remember a whole idea.
Give number to the points.
Don't try to bring to memory all the things you have learned. Learn the technique of bringing to memory one thing at a time.
How to increase concentration
Mental concentration is important to memory and better learning.
Stick to your reading timetable. You should separate a specific place and specific time of the day for reading.
Sit erect. It increases your concentration.
Don't allow disturbances like phone calls, music etc while reading.
Concentrate on the lessons you read. Don't think about the next book you have to read while you are reading a book. A better way is to make an order of the books and lessons to read and arrange them in order before you start reading.
Immediately after reading a paragraph, try to recall the idea from that paragraph. This helps you concentrate more on your reading.
Ideal conditions for reading/learning
A silent location that you don't use for sleeping, eating or leisure purposes is the most ideal condition for reading.
Install a fluorescent tube light in the reading room. This helps mild light to fall evenly all over the room. Don't sit in the darkness while reading. If you use table lamp, arrange it towards your left if you are a right-hander.
Arrange the papers, pencils, boards and books on the table before you start reading.
Never try to read while you are tired or ill.
Eat healthy food rich in carbohydrates, proteins and fibres. Replace fast food, pizza, burger, chocolates, ice creams, etc with fresh fruits, whole grain food items (like chapatti), milk, fruit juices, etc.
Exercise daily. Swimming, cycling and jogging are good for students. Practise yoga. It increases concentration and willpower.
Don't watch TV. Instead, play some games in the outdoors. While TV makes you dumb, the games make you smarter.
Read lot of books. Read classic stories, fables (like Aesop fables, Panchatantra stories, etc), etc. Don't spend too much time on comic cartoons.
I consider myself to be a knowledgeable parent, but a great challenge for me was a child development psychology class. I have been interested in child development and psychology for as long as I can remember so, when I went back to school, it was only natural that I get a degree specializing in that field. I had figured that, as an astute student of human nature, I would be well within my comfort zone. The joke was on me when the child development psychology class was more strange and foreign than I could have imagined.
Not that it wasn’t a fascinating class. It can be a real joy to be challenged, and I felt challenged very day. Child psychology, I learned in that class, is anything but static. From day to day, week to week, and month to month, children are learning and becoming better, more sophisticated thinkers. That means that the interests, fears, and obsessions that a kid has one day will not necessarily even be a factor within a month or two. Kids come up with phobias, only to lose them just as quickly. They get so interested in a toy that they can’t put it down, only to get bored with it all of a sudden and never touch it again. These are some of the paradoxes of child development psychology.
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